youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You are the jesus of drinking
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
