i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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