Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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