I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
