since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
