Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
me + whiskey = a bad person
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
