Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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