I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
