Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
