Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
