When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
