she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
