wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
