At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
