this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
