On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
