When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i will never coherently bang her
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
