Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
