so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
