You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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