Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
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