hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
