Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
