Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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