the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
