i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
