Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
