I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
