So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My ATM looks so different sober.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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