Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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