Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
