somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
