I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize