Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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