is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
