I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
