Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
