Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
