i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
