She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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