Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
