I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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