Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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