I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
