When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
