Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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