A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
