Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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