Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
my poor anus
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
