I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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