Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Operation Purity has been aborted
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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