I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Sext me about skeletons
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
