So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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