is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
