She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
as a side note pls kill me
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
