i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
