the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
