I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
