What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
