She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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