i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
