ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
