Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
