if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
