So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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