The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
