apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
