Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
