Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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