When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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