guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
