just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
